Improve Your Marriage NOW by Talking About Money

Before we start talking about this topic, please realize that I’m just a guy trying to figure out how to talk to his wife about money. I am not an “expert” in this area. As a matter of fact, I often feel like a beginner when trying to talk to my wife about our finances. I may stumble through the conversation, often saying the wrong thing. Or I may think that I understand my wife’s point of view, but find out later that I didn’t. 

Again, I’m hardly perfect when talking to my wife about money.

Many people may also struggle when talking to their spouse about money. Perhaps this is because people usually have different expectations. One person in the relationship may be more of a long-term saver, while the other wants to live for the moment. Maybe both people want to save, but they disagree on what to save for and they disagree on how much to save. Or maybe neither wants to save any money, but they are stressed out because they are always broke!

Despite money being one of the most difficult conversations to have in a marriage, it is absolutely necessary to talk about. After all, it’s something that we deal with every single day. From the time we wake up until the time we go to bed, there are constant advertisements around us trying to get us to buy products. On the way to work, we pass by store after store, selling happiness in the form of a coffee, sweater, or new car. Then, when we actually go to the store to buy groceries, there are thousands of products that are marketed to grab our attention and get us to buy them. 

Not only do we have to talk to our spouses about the purchases that we make, but we also have to talk about investments, saving for a new house, paying down the credit card bill, paying off our student loans, and buying a newer car. There certainly are a lot of money topics to talk about!

Since money is such a difficult topic, many people get overwhelmed and skip talking about it all together. We may find it easier to worry about the credit card bill at the end of the month than actually making plans to budget together. After all, if we only talk about money when the credit card bill comes, then we will only have a money fight once a month. 

Of course, a planned money fight when opening up the credit card bill doesn’t seem like the best way to build a marriage!

Instead, it seems better to try to figure out money with your spouse before the credit card bill arrives. Maybe if we can work out this whole money thing, then the rest of the relationship will be way easier and better.

The Money Date

One of the things that my wife and I set up are money talks and meetings. Lest you think that we are perfect with setting up these meetings, let me reassure you that we aren’t. Sometimes we do a great job trying and other times we just skip it all together. When we are on our game; however, we set up money talks and even money dates. Money dates may sound kind of lame, but they can actually be really productive and, dare I say, fun! When we set up a money date, we often uncork a bottle of wine, eat some cheese and crackers, and truly enjoy each other’s company. We talk about our budget, but we also talk about our goals, values, and dreams. 

An important aspect of our money date is talking about goals. We talk and dream about our goals, write them down, and then see how we can use money to achieve them. For instance, one of our goals is to travel more. On our money dates, we often will talk about our perfect vacations and try to figure out where we want to travel to. Then, we will discuss how we can budget for these vacations to make sure that we can go on them without using any debt. 

A second thing that we do on our money dates is talk about our short-term budget. Neither my wife or I want to be surprised by upcoming spending, so we try to talk about our spending before it occurs. By spending our money on paper before it is spent in a store, we can buy stuff that we need and want without feeling guilty.

When talking about our upcoming spending, it helps to really try to understand why a purchase is needed. For instance, perhaps there is something that my wife wants to purchase, but I don’t see a need for this item. Instead of getting frustrated, it is better if I try to understand why she wants to purchase this item. By digging deeper, I may gain insight into the thoughts and feelings behind the purchase. 

The final thing that we do on our money dates is look at what we have been spending over the past few weeks or month. Perhaps our spending has matched what we budgeted. If so, we realize that our budget has been working out pretty well and we may not need to change it too much. If our spending has not matched our budgeted amounts, then we may need to change the upcoming budget or challenge ourselves to do better with spending in the future. Either way, it is important to talk about what we have spent and to make sure that we are on the same page with our spending.

Whether our spending has matched our budget or not, it helps to acknowledge and focus on the good things instead of just focusing on the bad. This allows us to be more productive and cooperative when we are looking at what has already been spent. 

When my wife and I are able to talk about money together, we usually find that our finances seem much easier. Since we have spent money on paper through a budget that we agreed to, there is no need to argue when one of us spends money at a store. After all, we already agreed that we are spending this money. We have also found that talking about money together can help to make sure that our spending reflects our values and goals. And, I suppose that making sure our spending reflects our values and goals is one of the most important things that we can do with our money.

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Do you do a good job talking to your spouse about money or do you struggle with this aspect of your relationship? Let us know in the comments below.

And thanks for reading!

~Nathan

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Let’s keep living a great life … with the help of money. So what’s next?

• You can travel for free by using rewards credit cards.
• You can get motivated and get out of debt.
• You can check out the next post or the previous post and continue to learn.

But no matter what you decide to do, let’s leave the ordinary behind and take action today!